Time Is a Resource I Never Have Enough Of

I wish I had more time to write here.  Hazel has been so busy lately; always on the move and napping less.  She is also eating more which can be time consuming because I prepare all of her meals still.

I’m also almost fourteen weeks pregnant, which means I am just starting to feel a little more like “myself” again — whoever that is anyway.  But that really means I am lazy as hell because I am exhausted from making a human being.  So sometimes my brain just doesn’t work.  Many days I laugh because I can barely form sentences when David gets home from work.  It’s as if I don’t know what talking even is.  I talk to Hazel, yes, but she isn’t much for conversation yet.

I’m slightly terrified that I’ll be having another tiny human dictator to care for in August.  There are going to be great moments, and hard moments, and many things I’m probably not ready for.  But I just have to be.  The benefit is that I’m not going to be as nervous to be a mom like I was with Hazel.  I had never even held a baby or changed a diaper, and that anxiety can really take away from the first few weeks of bonding with your baby.  I’m looking forward to already being a pro at all of these things, and having a second chance to breast feed.  If it doesn’t work again this time, I also won’t have that guilt about having to switch to formula and I can just enjoy being able to feed my baby.

So baby number two is something our whole family will be looking forward to this year.  I’m also planning a trip to Philadelphia around April 6, because Erin still hasn’t been able to meet Haze.  This unfortunately means no trips home to Illinois this year, but all are welcome to visit us here in San Antonio.

Anyway, I must go chase this baby around.  Have a great week everyone!

Other People’s Kids

If you judge this post by the title, you might think I’m going to start complaining about how other people raise their kids.  Really, I don’t care about that at all.  This is about posting pictures of other people’s kids on social media.

We’ve all seen “friends” on facebook that are posting pictures of their nieces or nephews or those posting pics of their friend’s children.  I’m here to tell you, this drives me up the wall.  I cringe when I see people posting daily pictures of their week old nephew, most likely without asking the parent’s permission.

Here’s why it annoys me: Nobody should publicly post a child’s picture for literally the whole world to see without asking for the parent’s permission, if ever at all.  In my opinion, a parent is the only person who can protect their child’s “internet identity,” and the more random people posting pictures of your child, the harder this will be.

I understand we live in a very strange world, where we feel like we must share every moment with every person we know.  So seeing your best friend’s baby is exciting, and you want everyone to know how lucky you are to know such an awesome tiny human.  We parents are so glad you feel this way about our baby, but at the same time, our children deserve to build their own online identity when they are old enough.  It shouldn’t be done for them when they can’t even lift their heads yet.

I do post a picture of Hazel once or twice per month on my facebook page, to share with family and the small amount of friends I have on there.  I also have an instagram in which I post a picture or two per week, but you have to request to see them, or have the link to this blog to view them on here.  And, of course, I share them on here from time to time because WordPress doesn’t own my pictures like facebook does when I post them.  I am in charge of what pictures are posted, and I wouldn’t appreciate someone posting her pictures without my expressed permission.

So before you post a picture of someone else’s children on your facebook, think twice.  Ask them for permission, or send them the photo to decide if they’d like to post it themselves.  And thank you to everyone who does ask first.  It’s greatly appreciated.

Reflection

The year is almost over.  And what a year it’s been.  A lot of ups and downs and in betweens.  December last year, I had such high hopes that 2014 would be the best year of my life.  I wasn’t wrong.  But it’s also been the hardest and most rewarding and there were many surprises along the way.

At the beginning of the year, I was about six to seven months pregnant.  I was looking forward to the day when I’d get to meet Hazel, and looking forward to the day my sister gave birth to her baby Daniel eight weeks after.  We would both have healthy, perfect babies and get to see each other.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.  In January, Erin was admitted to the hospital at only 24 weeks pregnant essentially because her water broke.  I was really scared for her, especially when we found out she would remain in the hospital until he decided it was the right time to enter the world.

The next month and a half dragged on.  Every morning I was expecting to wake up to missed calls or texts that Erin had gone into labor and Daniel was here.  March 10 was the day that he arrived, when Erin was only 30 weeks pregnant.  Despite the fact that she had steroid injections, Daniel didn’t grow much even though he was still “on the inside.”  He was only three pounds.  He had to fight for his life all 80 days he was in the NICU.  So I was still pregnant on March 10, and at this point I had accepted that we wouldn’t have the life we had dreamed with the perfect babies and the play dates every few months and things like that.  Instead we were introduced to Chronic Lung Disease, which makes it a bad idea for Daniel to travel during the flu season.  And it’s what made his journey in the hospital so difficult.

I was worried every day he was in there.  I couldn’t see my sister (I live in Texas and she lives in Pennsylvania) so I didn’t know how she was really feeling.  And even if I knew, how could I relate to what she was going through and what would I say?  I felt terrible feeling so terrible in the end of my pregnancy.  Any time I felt uncomfortable and huge I just felt guilty that Erin would have done anything to have felt this, so I should just suck it up!  (Even though being hugely pregnant is really difficult and super uncomfortable.)  She put on a brave face and was happy for me when Hazel came just twelve days after Daniel, on her due date no less.  I wished so badly she could have been there, and I wished so badly that I could have been there for her through her pain and worry and crippling anxiety.  But that’s not what happened.

Instead we kept conversations light for awhile, until we knew for sure Daniel was going home.  The day he left the hospital (of course) it was discovered that he had a hernia.  I asked Pam if she would come stay and watch Hazel for a week so I could go help Erin during his recovery after his surgery to correct it.  She agreed, so off I went.

The day I arrived, his hernia was critical.  A stranger was sent to pick me up from the airport, and Daniel was at the hospital prepping for surgery (one day before the scheduled procedure.)  So I went to Erin’s house alone and waited there for Dan to take me to her car, and I drove to Delaware? to meet them.

And there he was, in his little infant hospital gown.  He was tired and the most adorable grumpy “old” man I’d ever seen.  I loved him instantly.  It was painful not to be able to kiss him all over his cute little face.  He had survived his traumatic birth.  He’d survived being born with shoddy underdeveloped lungs.  He had survived this surgery.  Above all, he is obviously a survivor with a will to push on, and the strongest human I’ve ever met that doesn’t even weigh more than my dog.

Our family is so lucky to have the two most amazing babies.  Their stories are different, but they are wonderful in the same way.  Hazel and Daniel have brought so much joy to our family.  I look forward to the day that Erin gets to meet Hazel for the first time, so Erin can experience that “aunty” love at first sight.

Who knows what next year will bring?  I’m hoping for smooth sailing from here on out.  Hazel has started standing and her personality is really shining through.  She likes to “sing” and “dance.”  She loves to clap and blow spit bubbles (still.)  Daniel is learning to crawl and has the cutest belly laugh.  No, seriously.  It’s the cutest thing you’ll ever hear.  David will hopefully get a promotion and have all his hard work validated.  I’m hoping for a lot of Hazel and Daniel time this summer, and I’m looking forward to ringing in the new year in Illinois with family.

The moral of this story is don’t get pregnant at the same time as your sister or best friend.  It seems great in theory, but has the potential to be much, much worse.  Of course, now it’s pretty great because I can talk to her whenever I’m overwhelmed or overjoyed.  But still, heed my advice!!