It’s Been Awhile

As many of you know, I’ve been pretty busy for quite awhile.  Having two babies in two years will take a lot out of a lady.  For those that are unaware, Zelda Mae Marguerite was born on August 11 and our lives have been hectic for awhile.

Little Miss Bliss has had reflux issues and currently we are battling eczema all over her face, legs, and arms.  She is crazy happy and smiley despite this, however.  When you kiss her, she closes her eyes as though she is savoring your affections, and she smells amazing, so she gets a lot of kisses.

With a second child comes a lot of guilt.  Originally, when I was pregnant, I had assumed all that guilt would be due to Hazel having to share us.  I felt that we hadn’t given her enough time with just us, and that made me a little sad.  However, now we are in the terrible twos at just under twenty months, and I can officially say I’m not regretting having her be a little less spoiled – though whether it’s making a difference or not I cannot say.  No, what I now feel guilty over is that I’m not giving enough one on one attention to Zelda.  She is so small and sweet and any time I leave her alone in a room on her mat or in her swing I feel just awful about it.  I feel like she is just terrified to be alone, though in reality she probably doesn’t even notice.  But it doesn’t change at all how I feel.  I want to hold her all the time like I did with Hazel.  I want to snuggle the shit out of her.  I want her to fall asleep on me and cuddle into me and sleep with me.  Because I also have this toddler I can’t snuggle, cuddle, or sleep with her enough.  I worry about how this will affect her later down the road.

Being a mom is just all worry though in the end I’m sure.  A constant internal struggle that never goes away.

I can say that I am super in love and I am actually really happy they are so close in age.  Zelda is just so… everything.  I can’t wait for everyone to meet her.

In other news, we are getting ready to host the Garrisons for Thanksgiving.  We will also be doing Christmas with them, I’m assuming on black Friday, so I’m scrambling for gift ideas.  I had the perfect gift for Christina but it was extremely exclusive and the items went on sale at 11 AM and by 11:01 AM they were completely sold out.  I was slightly devastated.  And very annoyed.  So now I’m back to square one.  I haven’t gotten any gifts for anyone other than David and Hazel so I need to get on it.  Especially considering David and Hazel’s gifts will be given on actual Christmas so having their gifts early is not really important.

In other-other news, we are all coming home in March to have a birthday party for Hazel and Danny.  Their party will be March 20 and I don’t have any other details at this time, other than I’m hoping to have it in Champaign since it’s a more central location for our extended families and our friends.

Well this is really all I have time for, so adios ahora.

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